We are all prone to irrational behaviour.

When our core beliefs are challenged, we often shut down instead of opening up. It's like there's a dictator living inside our heads, controlling the flow of facts to our minds. Psychologists call this the"totalitarian ego"— its job is to keep out threatening information.

This defensive mechanism activates the brain's hot fight-or-flight response, flooding us with visceral anger and fear.It feels as if our mind has been punched.

In response, the totalitarian ego steps in, offering mental armour to protect our self-image by feeding us comforting lies.

It's easy to see how an inner dictator comes in handy when someone attacks our character or intelligence or identity or opinions.

Whenever we realise anything goes wrong in our life, we naturally seek an explanation.

However, in looking for a cause, our minds tend to revolve around the same types of explanations:

• Someone or some group sabotaged me, perhaps out of dislike
• Larger forces like the government or societal norms hindered me
• I received bad advice
• Information was kept from me

So we look outward for the cause and blame others to feel safer and reduce our pain.

Humans are social beings with a natural need for attention, and we all have some degree of narcissism. Some fall deeper on the spectrum than others.

At the extreme end of the spectrum, those withdeep narcissismsee attention as essential to their survival.

They are highly self-centred, lack awareness of others' needs, emotions, and perspectives. They have difficulty accepting criticism and tend to exploit relationships, manipulating or using others for personal gain.

Most people fall somewhere in thefunctional narcissismon the spectrum.

They have a healthy sense of self-worth and confidence, enabling them to pursue personal success without completely disregarding others.

Ahealthy narcissistresides at the end of the spectrum.

They are skilled at reading moods, body language, and vocal cues. They have the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. They are compassionate and supportive, seeking to connect rather than dominate.

This blend of confidence and empathy makes them strong leaders who can inspire teams and foster a positive environment.

We should focus on transforming our self-love into empathy. Don't assume you already understand people; each new person we meet is like an undiscovered country.

"I do not like that man. I must get to know him better."

- Abraham Lincoln

People are like the moon, they only show you one of their sides. We all wear masks to present ourselves in the best possible light.

From a young age, we learn how to get what we want from our parents and how to conceal our true thoughts and feelings from family members.

We strive to appear humble, confident, and diligent—saying the right things, smiling, even showing interest in others' ideas. We learn to conceal our insecurities and envy. Take Kamala Harris's smile and laugh for example.

Similarly, the carefully curated images on Facebook and Instagram often don't reflect the true reality of someone's life.

Don't to judge the act of role-playing or wearing masks, as these behaviours are essential for social interactions and help us navigate the complexities of everyday life.

We always strive to show our good side and carefully hide our dark side from the public view.

This constant repression of our dark side requires energy and can be exhausting. Eventually, the hidden side seeks an outlet. Recall those unexpected emotional outbursts.

Recognising, embracing and showing this part of ourselves is crucial as it makes us relatable and real. We are more attracted to people who embrace their shadow because we all can relate to being not perfect.

Consider successful figures in various fields. Steve Jobs, for instance, displayed his rougher side in his interactions with others. While we admire his creativity, we dismiss his darker qualities as unnecessary, thinking that if he had been nicer, he could have been a saint.

It's precisely his acceptance of his full self that amplified his impact. Elon Musk is another example.

Possession doesn't compel people to act, desire does.

Three strategies to stimulating desire:

To avoid being taken advantage of by this, focus our attention on looking inward.

Don't get distracted by what everyone else is chasing or trying to influence us to follow, our time in life is limited.

We like to believe we think long-term—after all, we have goals and plans. But often, we're just fooling ourselves.

We can see this when we talk to other people about their plans and strategies for their short-term and long-term goals. We quickly notice the vagueness, the lack of deep thought.They are more like hopes and wishes.

This is because we humans are most impressed by what we can see and hear now in the present, but by over-emphasising the present, we lose perspective over our long-term goals.

This shortsightedness is rooted in human evolution.

Today, we live in what's known as a delayed-return environment. We turn up at the office today, but the return—a paycheck—doesn't come until the end of the month.

We go to the gym in the morning, but we don't lose weight overnight.

Unfortunately, our brains evolved to thrive in an immediate-return environment.

That's because our distant ancestors didn't think about long-term returns like saving for retirement or sticking to a diet. They focused on immediate concerns like finding their next meal, seeking shelter, and staying alert enough to escape any nearby tigers.

To become a farsighted human, elevate our perspective by prioritising the commitments we make to our future selves.

Our lives, to a large extent, are the result of the deal we make with our future selves.

There are three universal qualities to people's self opinions:

Strategies for becoming a master persuader: